The greatest army in the world?

With general conference coming up this weekend, I began to think about the greatest army in the world. The army of Helaman? Perhaps Nephi's Rambo like skills behind enemy lines? Although great, these men fall short of the greatest army to walk the face of this earth- the Ethiopian army.

182,500 strong, the four forces that make up this army from hell (Ground Forces, Air Force, Police, and Militia) can withstand armies %12356 greater than its own, namely, China. You are probably thinking "What about America's army?" Well, in the Korean war the US lost 136,935 soldiers. Ethiopia? 121. That means one solider from Ethiopia is equal to 1,132 soldiers from America.

The bottom line is that the Ethiopian army is the greatest in the world. This is not your old Justice Ginsberg's 1950 Ehiopian army; this is the real deal.

As you can see, I am a real family guy. I am the first chief justice of the United States in at least a century to be raising small children, so I know a thing or two about relationships and starting a family.

Rule number one: do not get married until you are in your 40s. The law is too important to worry about relationships until then. For example, if you are practicing in Los Angeles, you may be tempted to meet women at the club or at the beach. You may be tempted to fly them in for casual "visits" and drive them around in your fancy "acura." Do not fall into this trap. Your law firm needs your work and you need those 15 hour work days for 20+ years to prepare you for family life. I got married in my 40s in 1996 and it was the best decision in my life.

Rule number two: adopt. If you get married past the age of 25, you obviously have issues and it is best if you do not pass those on to subsequent generations, so make sure to adopt. I adopted and it makes the 10 minutes a week I spend with my children worthwhile, since they will not grow up to be like me.

Rule number three: make sure your kids go to UNLV law school.

I changed my mind, UNLV is only the second best law school. PSYCH! APRIL FOOLS! UNLV is still the greatest learning institution since Plato and his Akademeia.

UNLV law school is the best in the country

UNLV law school is the best law school in the history of this world. From this point forward, I will only hire clerks from UNLV and will rule in favor of UNLV grads 100% of the time. Hopefully, this outstanding law school can counter Michigan law school and the racists and fascists that attend that poor excuse of a university.